Although 2016 was a shit storm, we almost made it the entire year without having to hear Taylor Swift complain about her poor dating habits via catchy songs. But, less than 30 fucking days to go and the pop star releases “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever” alongside former One Directioner-turned-half-baked-solo-artist and all-around sad person, Zayn Malik. What puts the spoiled cherry on top of this very, very vanilla ice cream sundae is that it was made for .
Because Taylor needs media attention like she needs oxygen, following the breakup of Tom Hiddleston, and before the whole Kim/Kim’s receipts/Taylor’s death thing, it was time to create heinous music for one of the worst franchises (if not the worst) to ever exist. What a perfect way for her to cap 2016 for us.
With lyrics like “Wonder if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life?” I have to wonder what everyone who also doesn’t have a life will wonder: Is this poorly made song about one of Taylor’s recent relationships?!
But, not to worry. That’s not the only ridiculous lyric that will leave you both confused and underwhelmed and rolling your eyes so hard it hurtskind of like how anything from does! (I think they call that fuckfest synchronicity.) Zayn’s forced falsetto comes in to give us a beautiful chorus from which the song takes its title: “I don’t wanna live forever.”
I feel exactly like Anastasia Steele did when she caught Christian Grey playing the piano for like 1/2 of a second and then looked at him and said, “It sounds so sad.” However, I have more sexual chemistry with my keyboard than she does with Jamie Dornan, so I guess it’s not really the same thing.
Anyway, Taylor and Zayn are definitely a step down from the first movie’s use of The Weeknd and living deity, Beyonc, so it’s looking like the sequel probably won’t be able to undo the mess the original film created. And yet, millions (billions?) of fans will flock to see it. What a world.
Read more: http://www.betches.com/taylor-swift-zayn-malik-release-new-song
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