Taylor Swift And Drake Might Be Dating, And I Might Kill Myself

I’m happy to report that I’ve taken a sabbatical from my usual job of hating on Kylie Jenner to take on a more full-time role of hating Taylor Swift. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it. I am a true martyr for the cause.

Anyway, I might become a literal martyr thanks to the rumors that Taylor Swift and Drake are dating. reported that the two were seen “talking closely and laughing” at Drake’s 30th birthday partywhich for Taylor is basically equivalent to sex, so this is a big deal. There are also rumors that Taylor has met Drake’s friends (so like, Rihanna and Future?) and even HIS MOM. OH HELL TO THE NO. This bitch does NOT get to meet Sandi.

Y’all need to strap in because I have a lot of feelings about this.

Like, one, these rumors have got to be fake because you don’t go from dating BadGal RiRi to NiceGirl Taylor. I know Rae Sremmurd says “I ain’t got no type,” but come on. Everybody has a type, and these two are polar opposites in just about every way. If you’re attracted to Rihanna, there’s no way you can also be attracted to Taylor. It just isn’t happening.

But if somehow we lived in a parallel universe where this true, I would probably kill myself because Drake was the one guy Taylor hadn’t ruined. Like sure, take John Mayer and reduce him to a whining man-child years after your breakup. I don’t care. Hell, take Calvin Harrismainstream dance music will survive (David Guetta is still out there, right?). But Drake? No. That is where I draw the line. Plus, the world can’t handle that much awkward dancing. WE JUST CAN’T. Think of the children!

Now I know what you’re thinking. “But think of the breakup albums!” you say. “That shit will be fire!” you say. But let’s truly think about this. An album of Drake rapping wistfully about Taylor Swift would be fucking ridiculous! Like what would he even say? ??? Wake the fuck up, people! And then you know Taylor’s ensuing album would be hip-hop inspired and it would just be the end of civilization as we know it. She already tried to rap on “Shake It Off” and the world really does not need any more of that.

So I beseech you. Let us pray these rumors are just rumors. And Taylor, LEAVE DRIZZY ALONE!

Read more: http://www.betches.com/drake-taylor-swift-dating-rumors

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